These are Your Worst Parking Stories

I don’t have a worst parking story. But I do have a BEST PARKING STORY EVER.

A few years ago, on a lovely Saturday afternoon, I was at our local Chapters (large Canadian book store chain). I parked and walked through the lot to the front doors of the store.

Now, I have a special hate for people who park in handicapped stalls, without a placard.

Parked diagonally across two handicapped spots was the biggest pickup truck I’ve ever seen. It was a huge, lifted, black F350. Lots of dubiously useful suspension bits, 22″ wheels with low profile rubber, bull bar on the front, all the windows tinted black… you get the picture. The icing on the douche-bag cake? The truck was running.

So, I went into the store, found the Manager (who I know well, and know that he has a disabled child), and say “Hey, want some entertainment on a Saturday afternoon?” He looks out the store front window and instantly picks up a phone.

He had a Bylaws Officer and a tow truck there in under five minutes.

I stayed to watch.

The douche-bro showed up just in time to see the front wheels get lifted off the ground. The dolly for the back wheels was just being placed. He blows a gasket; like zero to unreasonably explosive in the blink of an eye.

He’s angry to the point that he shoves the tow truck driver and took a swing at the Bylaws guy. This instantly escalates to the arrival of two RCMP squad cars and a dog-handler in a black RCMP SUV. The bylaws guy had run the truck’s plate. It came back that the guy was dodgy, so he’d radioed the RCMP and had them waiting close by, just to be safe.

Two cops try to restrain the douche but he’s just looking for a fight. The lead cop tell him he has a choice to make: he can calm his shit down and comply, he can get tased, or he can deal with the dog. It took the dog coming out of the SUV to get him to comply.

Truck got towed (still running), douche went for a ride in a squad car, and the dog got treats and pets.

I heard from the Store Manager that the guy was charged for assaulting a Peace Officer, battery for the shoving the tow truck driver, and illegally parking in a handicapped spot.

Best shopping trip ever.