Tesla Owners Rejoice! Your Car Finally Has ASS (Actually Smart Summon)

Tesla, the EV maker famously led by notorious bigot and billionaire Elon Musk, has a tendency of struggling to meet its self-imposed deadlines. In another egregious example of this, the company’s latest software update makes “Actually Smart Summon,” or ASS, available after initially promising owners the availability of this feature by September of 2022.

Walter Isaacson On Elon Musk(s)

Once known simply as smart summon, this technology gives owners the ability to summon their vehicle via the Tesla app to autonomously navigate to them in a parking lot, or owners can use it to send their car to a selected nearby location. Tesla also released Dumb Summon, which allows owners to remotely move their vehicle backwards or forwards like Hyundai’s Smart Park.

Smart summon used to be a feature on properly equipped Teslas, but the feature was removed in 2022 when the company stopped including ultrasonic sensors in its vehicles and instead decided to rely entirely on cameras. After many delays, the feature is finally back to wreak havoc in a parking lot near you. To use ASS in a Tesla, owners must have the latest version of the Tesla App and the latest software update for their car. In the app, owners toggle to the summon tab where they have the option to request their car come to them, or they can send the car to a target like a far away parking spot.

Tesla ASS (Actually Smart Summon) Roundabout Test

Once the vehicle’s desired destination is selected, owners must press and hold a button in the app, and as long as that button is pressed, the car will drive with nobody inside. Owners are 100 percent liable for their vehicle for the entire time it’s maneuvering, and they can see what’s around the car via its array of camera feeds shown in the app.

In the notes of the 2024.27.20 software update that allows Tesla’s ASS, it reminds owners that both ASS and Dumb Summon should only be used in parking lots or driveways and to watch for pedestrians, cyclists, and other cars on the car’s camera feed in the app. Next time you’re visiting your town’s trendy yuppie shops, keep an eye out for any Tesla owners using their car’s ASS.

When Tesla owners are using their car’s ASS in a parking lot, the vehicle moves slowly, but there are no other visual indicators aside from an empty driver’s seat to signal that the vehicle is unoccupied and being driven remotely. Sure, owners are supposed to be watching the car’s camera feed, but we know many Tesla owners trust their vehicles too much and ignore safety warnings. I’m talking about Lululemon, Erewhon, Alo, and Sweetgreen parking lots; if you frequent these yuppie stores, watch out for any owners using their Tesla’s ASS.