Either The Mercedes-AMG GT63 Fixed Me, Or Something Else Changed My Brain

I got a text message from someone in Mercedes-Benz’s public relations department last week who had a tempting offer — If I’d be willing to drive to Braselton, Georgia, for Petit Le Mans, they would send a car for me to drive and get me in for free. We already had a freelancer attending, which I made sure to mention up front, but they still wanted me to come anyway. On Friday afternoon, a driver showed up with the keys to a Starling Blue Magno Mercedes-AMG GT63 Coupe.

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You’d think I would have been thrilled. Who wouldn’t want to drive a free sports car for a week, especially one with 577 horsepower, 590 pound-feet of torque and enough options to drive the $175,900 base price up to $209,310? That’s basically a dream come true! For about as long as I’ve been in the industry, though, the opposite has been the case. The actual driving experience has always been enjoyable, but living with expensive press cars day-to-day has given me anxiety for years.

One of these days, maybe my therapist and I will make our way through all the more serious problems in my life and get around to figuring out why being seen getting out of an expensive car gave me anxiety, but that’s going to have to stay onto the back burner for now, in part because either the GT63 fixed me, or something else changed my brain. The entire time I’ve had it, I’ve just enjoyed driving without even thinking about other people. When I drove it to the doctor’s office, I even parked like a normal person in the first open space I saw.

I also need to clarify that I’m not mad. I wanted something to change. There’s nothing fun about dealing with anxiety even when you know it’s irrational, so it felt so good to just drive around and enjoy the car without my brain running a million miles a minute. However, that raises the question — Did the GT63 fix me, or did something else change my brain?

Arguments in favor of the AMG being responsible for my miraculous turnaround include the fact that it looks fantastic, the paint makes it look even better and there’s nothing a V8 with more than 500 horsepower can’t fix. I guess you could also argue that it’s just a Mercedes, and the brand doesn’t carry quite the same level of prestige that Porsche and more exotic coupes command. It’s probably not the best argument, but it’s certainly not the worst one I’ve ever heard, either.

The more I think about it, though, I don’t think the AMG fixed me. Instead, I’m convinced something literally changed my brain, and while I know we’re bordering on conspiracy theory territory here, at least hear me out. About a month ago, I nearly suffered a grand mal seizure. I got to the hospital in time, and they were able to stop it, but I can officially say it was Not Fun. Do not recommend. Zero out of 10 (two out of 10 after they pumped me full of drugs, and I didn’t die), would not buy again.

If that were the only thing that felt different, I might just chalk it up to a weird fluke or something and forget about it. That is, uh, decidedly not the case. It’s not like I completely changed who I am, and don’t worry, I still hold all the same 100-percent correct opinions, but plenty of things still feel different. And if there really is a lasting personality change, I’m certainly not going to complain about having less anxiety and generally feeling happier or more positive. When things get wonky in people’s brains, it feels like there’s a huge risk they’ll end up becoming giant assholes, so positive changes are more than welcome.

Of course, I am a man of science, which means I have to test this theory for myself. I’m going to have to find a press loan that costs more than the AMG and see how I feel. Ferrari still hasn’t forgiven us, but I don’t remember doing anything to upset Maserati too badly. What are the odds they’d be willing to mail an MC20 to Georgia so I can drive it for a week? Not for personal enjoyment, of course. Purely for science.