Chevrolet Bolt Sales Are Up 280 Percent. Too Bad I've Moved On

General Motors’ new President of North America operations, Rory Harvey, confirmed Friday that despite this April’s sales jumping 280 percent over the previous year I, the Chevrolet Bolt, would not be rejoining the GM lineup.

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“It was time for the Bolt to come to an end,” Harvey said, according to the Detroit Free Press.

Well you know what Rory? I wouldn’t take you back, even if you did want me.

Because when GM announced it was cutting me from the Chevrolet line-up, I knew that by denying America the one small affordable EV on the market some would realize it was a mistake, even if you didn’t.

Sure, we had some rough times. When I said our partnership would tear down walls, you didn’t realize I actually meant burn down your garage. That’s on me. But did we work on communication? No.

You just… cut me out, after seven years together. You didn’t even want me in my EUV form. See? I tried to change for you to meet your preferences and you ghosted me. Did you think I’d wait around forever? No, I know my worth. And now you’re turning to overpriced, oversized EV trucks like that is going to fix what therapy hasn’t had a chance to? I saw you with my cousin, that hussy Hummer EV. Did you know she pollutes as much as a gas-powered Chevy Malibu?

Congratulations, you played yourself.

GM, you are going to replace me with a bunch of roomier, flashier and more expensive EVs based on my tech like the Blazer, Silverado, and Equinox EVs. And to that I say: Good for you. Whatever floats your boat. I, on the other hand, will be appreciated by the vanishing number of buyers snapping me up before I’m gone forever. You know the old saying: You don’t know what you have until it’s gone? Well I’m gone now baby. Our conscious uncoupling has come to an end.

In 2022, nearly 40,000 people picked a Bolt as their EV. And here I am selling like hotcakes again. An affordable EV, generating 259 miles of range for just $26,500 made me something special. After all, the average price of an EV in the U.S. is over $60,000, according to the New York Times. While Tesla is adjusting car prices like air conditioner settings I just kept shaving off my MSRP. When are you going to see an American car company offer such a good deal on an decent-to-drive EV? Probably never.

I’m worth owning. Lots of people think so, but a lot of people will never even know what they almost had. When I drive by on those Michigan freeways bought under friend and family discount plans, I hope you think of what you could of had. I was a once in a lifetime kind of car, and you know what, America?

You blew it.